Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is Strong.
today was a fun day. a relaxing day, in seattle with
bekah~*. and i finally met an online friend of many years, sharonfitzsimmons. what a lovely person she is.
the loveliness of today has delayed an inevitable turn of emotions. i'm spent. the physical toll of the past few months is catching up to me. i saw photos of myself shooting sunday's wedding and wanted to cry. i doubt my creativity and skill and question if God actually wants me to be a photographer.
right now, i need sleep. tomorrow, i will have my first direct flight in years. i'm so looking forward to the absence of a layover... i might sleep the entire flight.
right now, i rest in the fact that i belong to Jesus, He loves me, and His Strength is made perfect in my weakness.
~*
Comments (8)
Well, I personally want to believe that's just Satan hard at work attacking you. (I for one just about ALWAYS want to cry when I see pictures of myself. EXCEPT for the engagement/wedding pictures you did.) I know - oh, how I know - that when you're SO TIRED and there's still so much you want and need to do that it's so much easier to listen to the voice that says that you're not good enough and you're not meant to do something... and I don't know, maybe God wants you to do something other than photography. If He DOES then I think it's because He's got something even more amazing in store for you. And the prospect of Him using you to do something that is even more perfect than your photography BLOWS MY MIND.
At any rate, I would NOT listen to any thoughts that suggest that you're not creative or skilled. Because you are very obviously creative as well as skilled, and as time passes you're getting more and more creative and skilled and BOLDER in that creativity and skill. So that part of it is a lie, from the Father of Lies.
I hope you rested well and that you have a FANTASTIC trip! I will be thinking about you and praying for you!!
thank you for being transparent, kates~*. it's probably silly/pathetic for me to say that i relate to your doubts [after all, i do fully realize that i am neither anywhere near your level of expertise, nor have i been doing photography for very long *at all*], but it's always difficult when you love something that doesn't seem to love you back. at least, when it doesn't love you like you expect it should. if that makes any sense.
take a rest. sleep some. things always look a little better after you've had some time to rest and clear your head, be it for a night or for a month . . . =)
I think you need sleep. If it's any comfort at all, I regularly doubt my ability, my motivation, and my direction, and the only thing that keeps me going is a signed contract.
There are three things that help:- rest, wether physical or mental- taking a picture JUST FOR FUN, usually with someone else who will cheer me along. Once I start I can't stop, and it gets the ball rolling. - fresh inspiration. Sometimes I flip through a library book of images, sometimes I read an online tutorial, sometimes I pick up a stack of glossy magazines, and sometimes I watch a movie from the "just for the prettiness" list (marie antionette, moulin rouge, atonement), but getting a look outside myself makes me want to try new things.
I seriously think you just need to put down the camera for a bit, chill with awesome peoples for a bit (modest blush), and eat delicious yums. And only take a picture if you feel you MUST CAPTURE THIS. RIGHT NOW.
oh katy~*, don't doubt yourself. i love the verse that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. because you are, and it is so very apparent to those around you. i for one am totally in awe of your photographic talent and i think you need a little rest, some sugar (i will bake scones today in your honor- and you're welcome to run on down here to LA to eat one- or two!), and a good book! have you flipped through the tim walker photography book? there's some awesome inspiration for you! xoxo.
"right now, i rest in the fact that i belong to Jesus, He loves me, and His Strength is made perfect in my weakness."
whispering an amen to that over here.
This coming from the girl who just shot my favourite pictures of my family she has ever done? In just 20 minutes?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/klikshot/3601174216/in/set-72157619234628459/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/klikshot/3600368461/in/set-72157619234628459/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/klikshot/3600382637/in/set-72157619234628459/
(You know I am the biggest critic of pics of me, but I actually LOVE the last pic of me).
I love you girl ... and yes, rest in Jesus. Get lots and lots of rest physically and in Him. It will get clearer when you get your rest because He is faithful.
Deuteronomy 32:4 NIV •
faithfulHe is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A
God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
His works are perfect. You are "his works" and he will make you perfect in your weakness. Just continue to trust and rest on Him.
Now I must run. I think either the garbage pail beside me stinks ... or Ben just pooped in the tub. (Don't you love real life? LOL! It's the garbage thank goodness!)
Every photographer has those days. Sometimes the creativity flows, and sometimes circumstances make it difficult. Whenever I have one of those days I look back at my previous work. I also try to spend some time trying some new technique or concept, keeps things fresh and exiting. Every artist has there days, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. FYI I still consider you one of my best students as far as knowing who you are as a photographer and developing your own style :)
lovelove~*.