11 weeks.

charlotte. is in her 3^rd month… it’s already been an entire month since i last documented life with our bebe., in writing. it’s nothing short of amazing how she changes by the week, so, i’m sure there’s a few things i’ve already forgotten. her neck is so strong, now. she holds up her head and looks around, often seeking out a face to make eye contact, then breaking out into a massive smile. she will grip my finger and just in the past couple of days, will hold onto her little wooden rattle toy for a bit. she lives for interaction, smiling and cooing at whoever wants to spend time with her. she can be really vocal at times. this past week, charlotte. has been determined to try sitting up, lifting her head and pulling on my fingers to bring herself from lying down. you can just see the sense of accomplishment on her face, so content and happy, once she’s up. she loves baths and has graduated to bathing in the kitchen sink, after which she loves being massaged with lotion. the fuzz on top of her head is growing and thickening; it’s super cute. charlotte. will occupy herself for stretches of time solely by staring at her hand, always her left. she seems to favor her left hand, which makes her right-handed/right-brained mommie so happy. we need to pop by my midwife’s office for an accurate weight, but, based on our scale here at home, charlotte. now weighs 13 pounds. as marks.’ mum says, she’s a “bonnie baby”, chubbier than a hersey, and smaller than i was at that age. we think she may have started teething. she is drooling and blowing spit bubbles whenever she is awake; bibs are beginning to come in handy. it only seems to affect her mood in the early evening, when is her most prone time to be fussy anyway. i can hold a teether at her mouth and she seems to enjoy gnawing on it. charlotte loves her crib, and has begun to self-soothe and fall asleep easily when i lay her down for naps and at night [though, we enjoy a time of rocking and singing/humming b/f her morning nap, always with “nothing but the blood” and “in Christ alone” in our repertoire.]. we are establishing more routines together. she has started having a limit to how much she enjoys riding in her carseat… i think it’s a combination of how hot she is or if the sun is in her eyes, as well as if she is very tired or hungry. if tired, she seems to have a hard time just quieting down. i’m hoping to not have too many long drives over the next few days just to give her a break; last week we did a lot of driving.

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we just love our sweet bebe.; amazingly, she has helped me learn how to care for her more than anything i’ve read or heard. it’s really neat to be at a point where i can tell [most of the time] just what she needs based on how she expresses herself.

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we have ourselves a little six-week-old! charlotte now weighs 11 lbs., 1 oz. she’s a doll. we had our first “everything-is-ready-for-us-to-leave-the-house-but-oh-my-the-bebe.-pooped-and-needs-her-clothes-changed” situation today. thanks to charlottes.’ grandmommies and friends she has many cute 0-3 month clothing options.

charlotte has been less fussy this past week; but, moreso on very busy days. i’ve made a point to draw in this coming week and try to keep our days quiet. charlotte smiles at us, follows our faces when we’re nearby, and engages verbally with her little animals on the art cards i bought her. we have begun putting her in her bouncy chair; she seems to like it thus far, and stares at the little animals hanging in front of her. she’s staying awake more each day; it’s fun to see all her expressions.

bebe. loves being held. she’s been less fussy the past few nights, but, still wants to be patted and held, so marks. and i take turns… i have begun scheduling my day by the things i can do one-handed… it’s like, oh, i can empty the dishwasher later; better fold the laundry now…

i’m still perfecting the art of burping my bebe. [sidenote:: i used to laugh/roll my eyes at how excited people got over their infants’ bodily functions. now, i’m totally in the same boat. it’s like a serious accomplishment when that little body does anything, and some things are pretty impressive.]… i’m honestly terrible at burping; charlotte might nap better if i was. if i do get anything remarkable out of her, it’s usually by accident.

all that said, bebe. is thriving and we are enjoying her so much.

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last tuesday was my most productive day in weeks:: i cleaned my entire house [mopped it, even.], wrote a long journal entry, and edited a photoshoot.

oddly enough, i also took a morning and afternoon nap.

i’m sure one has absolutely nothing to do with the other, she said facetiously.

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on the topic of rest~

i need naps. marks. is wonderful; he kindly made me take one sunday and yesterday. i took a nap today without being told, w/ charlotte sleeping on my chest. it’s the best.

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whenever i get fatigued and sleep-deprived, i get sugar cravings. having company in our house the past month+ has provided opportunity for yummy treats to stay close at hand. this week i’ve cut sugar out again, in hopes that my body will balance itself out, energy-wise.

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had a very frustrating moment today. charlotte will stay asleep if she’s being held. when in her moses basket [during the day], it’s a toss up on how long she will sleep. today, she didn’t stay asleep b/c geoffrey started whining really loudly at the back door and our landlord decided to drive right by our open window on his loud lawn mower. ugh.

it’s no surprise that i’m not doing motherhood perfectly. i’m so in need of Grace on a moment by moment basis. my heart is selfish, apart from Jesus enabling me to love as i should.

must abide.

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marks. is so precious w/ his little daughter. i lovelovelove seeing them interact. we had a little visit tonight from a friend and he just gushed about how awesome it is to have a baby. it’s so wonderful to have a husband who is enthusiastic about his child.

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God is Good.

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and tomorrow, we hit the 5 week mark… this summer of bebe. is going to fly by, and suddenly, our first days together will feel like a dreamy haze of wonder. if we indeed ever experience a true summer, that is [i can literally count on one hand the amount of warm sunny days we’ve had since charlotte was born…].

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and speaking of haze, i’m totally living in one. a weary mental fog. it’s hard for me to remember much, much less put forth the mental energy to do more than what is necessary to our present lives right now. there have been some family birthdays i’ve missed this year; i’m sure we’ll eventually make it up to them.

my body is nearly recovered… i went jogging on saturday; it felt different, but, good. i don’t feel like i’m overdoing it with my exercise; it helps my energy and wellbeing. definitely need to try to get more naps… charlotte sleeps well when she’s not nursing at night, so, i’m not up for great spaces of time. the interruptions do take their toll, though. i fought a cold last week for about 3 days.

"the world is a better place with charlotte in it."~ one of my favorite card messages...

charlotte weighed 9 lbs., 13 oz., last tuesday at her midwife appointment. over the weekend, i moved all her newborn clothing and began dressing her in only 0-3 month stuffs. i definitely kept her in the newborn stuffs as long as i possibly could. hehe.

her eyes are getting so bright and expressive, and her smiles are directed right at us… she’s such a little creature: cracks me up how, when she’s hungry, she frantically tries to eat anything close by: her blanket, her clothes, her arm, my arm, marks.’ shoulder, etc. she blows spit bubbles; it’s really adorable. her wakeful periods grow in frequency and length, but, there are still days when she pretty much sleeps all day.

some highlights for charlotte recently have been her first trip to the u.s. to run errands w/ me, her first time out for dinner [she slept.], first time at a sushi restaurant [she nursed], and meeting her auntybekah~*, who gave her a book called “charlotte in london” [!].

the biggest lesson i’m learning now is abiding… i’ve been thinking a lot about john 15:

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

the definition of abide is “to remain stable or fixed in a state.”

when we swaddle charlotte, she is often referred to as the “baby burrito”, or “seahorse”.

i realized last week that c-h-a-r-l-o-t-t-e h-e-r-s-e-y is 15 letters, only my absolute favorite number ever. it made me so happy i called marks. immediately with the news. i also tried manipulating all our other favourite bebe. names to add up to 15, but, without success.

we used to listen to music all the time… i actually used to spend a great deal of time researching new bands to listen to, and would play music all day. wouldn’t leave the house without a stack of cds… at some point that stopped; it may have been our move out to BC. anyway, since charlotte arrived 5 weeks ago, we’ve had a return of music in our home. it’s truly lovely and she gets all the credit for bringing music back into our lives.

charlotte gets to meet her gran and grandad and uncle david tonight!

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our little girlie.bebe./charliebebe./charlotte~* is 3 weeks old. marks. and i are still taken by her every sound [she has some new ones... "oh" and "ah", said when she's particularly alert and interactive.], the wrinkles behind her knees [!], her skin [which had a small case of baby acne yesterday, but, is already nearly cleared this morning.], her fuzzyhead [which seems to grow in thicker each day, color still to be determined.], her ever-widening eyes, her lips [so kissable!], delicate features, and peaceful spirit.

charlotte met her grandy and lealea this weekend [and also spent a little time on skype w/ her uncle charley and aunt rachelle last night.]. they arrived in the wee hours of sunday morning, having traveled all day saturday, and arriving seattle at 9pm. marks. drove down to pick them up and kept me informed as to their progress on their return trip... momma, charlotte, and i decided not to wait up, since sleep at any point in the night is a good thing, and i would be getting up around the time they would arrive anyway... momma woke me up when she heard the car parking in the driveway, and i could hear everyone quietly enter the house as i peeled myself off the bed. i picked charlotte up out of her moses basket, still swaddled [she loves being swaddled, and riding in her sling, both things which i really wanted to enjoy w/ my bebe..], as marks. walked into the room... daddy came back to use our restroom, and though we had intended to bring charlotte out to the living room for the first intro, marks. couldn't resist calling daddy into the room to meet our bebe. right then. what precious, wonderful moments, hearing my daddy quietly weep and exclaim over our little daughter. then we got in trouble w/ momma for not coming out to the living room. heh.

we've kept a quiet schedule since my family won't be here very long. seems to suit charlotte well enough; she likes to snuggle more than go on outings, currently .

i did get some outdoor portraits of bebe. over the weekend, finally. it was a challenge to juggle my need to mommie and photograph charlotte at the same time. i'm sure i'll get the hang of it, and, she won't be an infant forever, either [ ].

tonight is charlotte's second baby shower, thrown by my friends here in mission. i'm looking forward to being together with all of them... everyone knew each other or at least of each other at the shower last week... the shower tonight will host a cross-section of all the female relationships i've cultivated over the past two years in BC [not including life group, who will be hosting me a shower on the 25th.]. i find it sort of amusing to think about the variety of personalities; can't wait for everyone to meet charlotte [or see her again.].

charlotte has a little cold, poor thing. she seems to be sleeping it off... she just sounds so schnuffly, it's pitifully endearing.

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i don't know if i really held expectations going into these first few weeks about what they would be like, but, i have to admit it has been somewhat surprising. once again, i feel so very blessed... between having the amazing support of a loving husband, a caring and helpful momma, good midwife care, and a baby who is easy to read and keep content, these first three weeks have been more enjoyable than anything else. i'm tired, and i have had help [we'll see how things go in the coming week when i am once again fully responsible for my laundry and dish duty!]... it hasn't been entirely easy, but, i guess i could imagine this new scenario of mothering as a lot worse [or so i've heard.]. i guess what i'm expressing here is that i couldn't have made it through these past three weeks with as much grace, without help. so, i thank God for His blessings.

it's also pretty awesome to have parents who will spend four hours at the grocery store to stock up on stuff for us, then cook 15 meals to put in my freezer for after they leave. they even bought geoffrey an 8-pack of rawhide bones so he could feel loved.

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over the past few months, i have been learning to stop measuring my level of happiness by my level of accomplishment. i think that has also gone a long way in keeping my expectations in check, freeing me to focus on charlotte, not what i'm not accomplishing [or able to accomplish. i can give myself a little time off, seeing as though my body went through a tramautic experience and needs to recover.].

it's funny how one's perspective can change. these past few weeks, i feel SO happy if i shower, dress myself and charlotte, make the bed, and put on makeup! i've only spent one day in my pajamas [we proclaimed it "pajama day".]. those aren't the only things i do in a day, but, they take strategy now and never used to, which makes them more rewarding to me.

all that said, i am in the middle of editing a wedding, and !!!, i need to get it done.

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motherhood is a new brand of multi-tasking... even though on one hand i'm currently not doing as much in a day as i was, i am doing more at one time, it seems... nursing/eating breakfast/talking on the phone... carrying bebe. in sling/vacuuming/eating a popsicle... holding bebe./replying to e-mails/eating lunch...

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yeah, i eat all the time.

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i understand mothers so much more than i ever did, and can only see this knowledge continuing to grow and deepen as charlotte grows. it's funny how things i thought were cliche now make sense to me. after i delivered charlotte, i had to think about how impressed i am with any woman who brings a baby into the world. every pregnancy and delivery, each one, is a singular experience, and each one is impressive. especially women who have prolonged labors and deliveries.

furthurmore, mothering is an entirely new ballgame. i know i'm a selfish person and it might not always be natural for me to give myself so freely to this task [i know God will use my family to teach me about unselfishness, to make me more like Christ.]. i'm just so impressed that women juggle the lives they do! i guess that is why i only have one bebe. right now ["one at a time", marks. and i say.]... we will have the grace for multiple kids when it's time for them [and that will be lots of fun. marks. and i are so into babies right now it's not funny.].

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we had some form of company every day the first 2 1/2 weeks that charlotte was here... i've been so impressed by the wonderful relationships that have developed since we moved here 2 years ago. it's like charlotte's birth has brought about a culmination of sorts; i hadn't realized just how many amazing friendships i had here. the girls from my life group have been wonderfully supportive; i feel more a part of my life group than i ever did.

having our bebe. here in BC makes BC more of a home than it was before. we're putting down roots, in a way.

on the flip side, our hearts yearn for all the friends and family we have scattered abroad. marks. has felt particularly bereft; all of his family has yet to meet charlotte [we have been able to go on skype with all of them.]. male friendships are different, too, and the number of "katy visitors" far outnumbered the "marks. visitors" when we were at the hospital. i'm thankful for carl davis.

we just miss ontario. our people's church family, sent us a gift card to shopper's drug mart. it's beautiful to realize they still hold us in their hearts as we do them... our list of people who "need to meet charlotte!" is a long one.

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charlotte is surrounded by a beauty here that i've never seen anywhere else. i love that her first days can be spent in such a wonderful place. we have peonies blooming in our garden, and songbirds serenading us nearly 24-hours a day. frogs and toads have their symphony each night, in the inlet behind our house. i appreciate these simple things more than i ever have.

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i'm so inspired by charlotte. when i was expecting her i felt more inspired, and felt more freedom to be creative than i had in a long time... it's so lovely to have her here, and the ideas and inspiration are flowing. it will be fun to see what creativite ideas will come from knowing my little bebe..

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marks. and i were discussing how God uses humans in the process of creating more humans... it's not like He really needs our help in creating things, if He'd wanted to do something different He could have. yet, God lets us take part in this process, to contribute what little we have, to produce something miraculous. and on top of that, He actually allows people the privilege to see themselves in the looks and personalities of their children. that is nothing short of Good and Benevolent.

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my new favourite:: rubbing my cheek on top of a certain fuzzy head until my cheek goes numb.

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when we brought charlotte home from the hospital, the first order of business was an introduction to geoffrey. we kept it lowkey, letting him out of the house first, encouraging him to run around a little bit and burn off some energy. as marks. pulled the carseat from the car, geoffrey came over to me and jumped up in excitement... we went to the porch steps and marks. put charlotte down, and encouraged geoffrey to come over... geoffrey sat beside the car seat, bent down gently and sniffed charlotte, then, turned right to me and licked my face [which he never does.]. it was a very touching moment.

i didn't expect the little fox to warm right up to our new addition, and i was right in that expectation. for the first two weeks, it meant that charlotte's appearance in our home took time and attention away from him, and more importantly, his daily walk. if a puppy could pout, geoffrey certainly was doing so... both he and i are much happier since we resumed our walking routine this week [short walks, currently.]; i'm enjoying the fresh air and chance to stretch my legs, and he is much more content and peaceful in general. charlotte joined us in the sling a couple of days ago, and again today. it's so much fun for me to be out w/ my girliebebe. and little fox on a walk; something i imagined doing while pregnant.

on a side note, geoffrey has taken to drinking out of our toilet bowl, which i find extremely humorous.

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as i write this, momma and i are waiting for marks. to return from seattle, where he picked up daddy and lealea from the airport. i may go to bed before they arrive, but, will plan to get up once they do b/c i wouldn't miss seeing daddy meet charlotte for the world... we're drinking bowls of yorkshire tea, a habit i formed since momma came and bought the tea, kind of an added subplot to the major events that have occured over the past few weeks. my coffee mugs are ridiculously large, hence, why i call them "bowls".

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today was the first day that felt anything like summer. marks. got the screens on our windows, which were all open as wide as possible... i should be able to do some outdoor portraits w/ bebe. soon, which makesmehappy.

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